So... bare with us, because it's a lot. The lying... We think we were lied to by the realtor desperately trying to sell this decrepit warehouse, who vandalized a bunch of planter boxes to intimidate the garden gnomes for us.
Because we were lied to, we have to lie, too. In order to believe the lie this realtor sold us: that we have an easement and legal rights over a property behind our warehouse. As we are slowly digging ourselves into a PR grave here, we are just going to highlight a few lies we had to tell the city and the public.
We really want to privatize the parcel we have no ownership to, so we came up with a brilliant idea: we built our own fence around it! We went to the DBI and got a building permit, but they asked me, Alex, what my relationship to the property was. I got nervous and said I was the owner's rep. Oops. But hey, I got the permit! If it wasn't for the garden gnomes, we'd have a private iron gate along the parcel now. Oh another thing: we also paid all the back-taxes on the parcel, which was only $20k, which of course we earn back in, like, an hour. We didn't pay the back taxes in order to pursue adverse possession, we just paid it because we love paying taxes. Honestly. You gotta believe us here.
So anyway, we had already ordered our new $14k gate, but guess what? The garden gnomes appealed the permit! They said we lied on the application. Suddenly we had to justify our actions, and we have no idea how to do that. So we decided to enlist the help of our paying customers and asked them to write the Board of Appeals in support for us. First we gave them three months of free internet, and then we wrote them another email, which was ambiguous as fuck, we called our permit appeal an "administrative roadblock", lol!
Well, all laughing aside, those five attorneys who make up the Board of Appeals, have no idea what they're talking about. They said we don't have an easement, and we, two schmucks, think they're wrong. And then our homies at the DBI and Planning totally didn't back us up either, so we lost the permit, by unanimous vote. The system is totally rigged against us, honest businessmen who can't even play around creatively with a permit application. Rigged!
But ok, silver lining: all the neighbours who wrote an email to the Board supporting the garden gnomes and their greenway, guess what? We pulled their email addresses from the Appeal's website and started writing them! We thought, perhaps they forgot why they wrote the Board in the first place, and after we take them out to coffee and talk real nicely about giving them a few months of free internet, perhaps they will be fine with our landgrab. You never know, right? People are stupid.
Because we were lied to, we have to lie, too. In order to believe the lie this realtor sold us: that we have an easement and legal rights over a property behind our warehouse. As we are slowly digging ourselves into a PR grave here, we are just going to highlight a few lies we had to tell the city and the public.
We really want to privatize the parcel we have no ownership to, so we came up with a brilliant idea: we built our own fence around it! We went to the DBI and got a building permit, but they asked me, Alex, what my relationship to the property was. I got nervous and said I was the owner's rep. Oops. But hey, I got the permit! If it wasn't for the garden gnomes, we'd have a private iron gate along the parcel now. Oh another thing: we also paid all the back-taxes on the parcel, which was only $20k, which of course we earn back in, like, an hour. We didn't pay the back taxes in order to pursue adverse possession, we just paid it because we love paying taxes. Honestly. You gotta believe us here.
So anyway, we had already ordered our new $14k gate, but guess what? The garden gnomes appealed the permit! They said we lied on the application. Suddenly we had to justify our actions, and we have no idea how to do that. So we decided to enlist the help of our paying customers and asked them to write the Board of Appeals in support for us. First we gave them three months of free internet, and then we wrote them another email, which was ambiguous as fuck, we called our permit appeal an "administrative roadblock", lol!
Well, all laughing aside, those five attorneys who make up the Board of Appeals, have no idea what they're talking about. They said we don't have an easement, and we, two schmucks, think they're wrong. And then our homies at the DBI and Planning totally didn't back us up either, so we lost the permit, by unanimous vote. The system is totally rigged against us, honest businessmen who can't even play around creatively with a permit application. Rigged!
But ok, silver lining: all the neighbours who wrote an email to the Board supporting the garden gnomes and their greenway, guess what? We pulled their email addresses from the Appeal's website and started writing them! We thought, perhaps they forgot why they wrote the Board in the first place, and after we take them out to coffee and talk real nicely about giving them a few months of free internet, perhaps they will be fine with our landgrab. You never know, right? People are stupid.