learn more about how rich we are! |
You'll never guess the move we made a few years ago. We bought a warehouse in Oakland, painted monkeys all over it, and paid off the mortgage in full the following year! It's fun being rich. That building is now worth $5.5 million! Of course, for PR purposes, we never mention this warehouse and pretend like we're scrappy. We, Alex and Rudy, the CEOs of Moneybrains, also own multiple Bay Area homes, obviously, but try not to talk about that. We think it looks bad when we are trying to remove a potential park from The Mission, while we can escape to our summer homes, but those poor bastards who want more open space in their neighbourhood, cannot.
We love our real-estate, and we love the city's real-estate we rely on. We wouldn't exist without San Francisco's vast fiber network, which we re-sell to our customers. We own the "roofing rights" to many city-owned buildings!
We had nothing to do with installing San Francisco's fiber network, put in place with your tax dollars. We simply turn it into wireless internet via rooftop dishes and make a pretty buck doing so. Owning the roofing rights means we can do whatever we want! The best of all, we make everyone believe that we give free internet to poor people. We love saying this, even though it's a load of crap. What we don't say is that this is part of our business model, as we have a deal with the city to re-sell the fiber internet that they installed in city owned housing.
Guess what? There once was a network providing free internet, and we got rid of it! It was called Community Broadband Network. We completely removed this network, as free internet obviously interferes with our business model. This is an early example of us getting rid of a community effort for the sake of profit! Hoorah. It felt good. The nerds who came up with the CBN still get free internet from us, but everyone else can go suck it.
The previous owners of our new warehouse on Treat Ave, the Heinzer brothers, were serious schemers themselves. They tried to obtain legal rights to the greenway parcel twice, and lost their court cases both times. They poured a cement loading dock on the adjacent property (sounds very familiar..!), and added some doors into the back of their building, all unpermitted, in order to then claim they needed access to the parcel "because they had a loading dock". It's like creating a door into your wall that borders your neighbour's, and then stating: "Look, I built a door! I have a legal right to use my neighbour's property now!"
We love our real-estate, and we love the city's real-estate we rely on. We wouldn't exist without San Francisco's vast fiber network, which we re-sell to our customers. We own the "roofing rights" to many city-owned buildings!
We had nothing to do with installing San Francisco's fiber network, put in place with your tax dollars. We simply turn it into wireless internet via rooftop dishes and make a pretty buck doing so. Owning the roofing rights means we can do whatever we want! The best of all, we make everyone believe that we give free internet to poor people. We love saying this, even though it's a load of crap. What we don't say is that this is part of our business model, as we have a deal with the city to re-sell the fiber internet that they installed in city owned housing.
Guess what? There once was a network providing free internet, and we got rid of it! It was called Community Broadband Network. We completely removed this network, as free internet obviously interferes with our business model. This is an early example of us getting rid of a community effort for the sake of profit! Hoorah. It felt good. The nerds who came up with the CBN still get free internet from us, but everyone else can go suck it.
The previous owners of our new warehouse on Treat Ave, the Heinzer brothers, were serious schemers themselves. They tried to obtain legal rights to the greenway parcel twice, and lost their court cases both times. They poured a cement loading dock on the adjacent property (sounds very familiar..!), and added some doors into the back of their building, all unpermitted, in order to then claim they needed access to the parcel "because they had a loading dock". It's like creating a door into your wall that borders your neighbour's, and then stating: "Look, I built a door! I have a legal right to use my neighbour's property now!"